just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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