we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
how does that bad decision feel?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
