bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
