my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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