The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
