ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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