Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
we should paint friendship bongs
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