im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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