According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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