I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
