Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize