I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
