Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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