Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
