I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize