not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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