Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
