So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
