I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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