whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
