Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
