I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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