just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
