I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
