so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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