I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
