So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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