my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just forgot I was standing up.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
