Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My vagina just recognized that song.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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