How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
