Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
