there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
