Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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