tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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