ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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