The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
