pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
