sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
