I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize