Where did you get a picture of my penis
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
