I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
