It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
