it was like fucking gandolphs beard
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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