remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
