Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i believe in u and ur pee
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