It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
where are my eyebrows?
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