Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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