i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
