my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
