Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
