You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize