you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
