I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After tacos, we're chasing women.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
