id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize