She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
