who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
