First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
