If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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