Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
