...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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