so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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