she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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