I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
