the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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