he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
