i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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