So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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