there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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