so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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