I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
