I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
