Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
