The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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