So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
