i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
