Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
