1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
kristin has been a bad kristin
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
