How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize